Online dating adventures:
How was I going to find my person if I didn’t put myself out
there? Begrudgingly, I decided to create
a Bumble account. It’s a site where woman
make the first move. I thought that would be awesome control for me. I set the account up and started
looking. This was going to be harder
than I thought. I swiped left on many
people, there are some genuine unique people out there looking for their
special fetish. YIKES!
One evening, I got an
email to join E-Harmony. I remember my
dear friend Lauren telling me it’s where she found her now husband. I signed up.
And waited for the matches to role in.
I’m not fast on any of this so days go by before I look. For
Bumble that is a huge problem as when you match the woman only has 24 hours to
reach out. Many, many times the time
would expire. Partly due to a very busy
work schedule and maybe more nerves. I’m
old school…. Pursuing a man is a very foreign concept to me! The E-harmony just sat there and waited for me patiently.
Eventually, I got the hang of it! I started messaging on Bumble. Set up a
handful of “coffee” meet ups. But prior
to coffee meet ups there were some interesting people out there. One kept messaging me about my location. Apparently we lived in the same city. But he
wanted me to know we were actually much closer than that. Scared the crap out of me. Who was this person? Were they watching me? A couple more messages
of him asking me out and me politely declining and him responding, but we are
so close to each other before I decided to block “Geography” guy.
The Coffee Meet ups…
Let’s call the 1st one “Toe Fetish”.
Mr. TF appeared normal in the Starbucks. We laughed and talked about loads of
different things. At first glance I
thought, oh, ok, this isn’t so bad. Then
he proceeded to talk incessantly about his ex-wife. Really guys, so not attractive. While on his
long winded story about her, I adjusted my seating and moved my legs and you’d
a thought a naked woman walked in. He
immediately stopped in mid story and said, “I like your toes.” And went on to brag on the choice of color. He said he loves feet and would like to put
my toes in his mouth. What does a normal
person say to a statement like this? I
just sat there stunned. Needless to say
Mr. TF was a NO!
#2, we will call him “Grandpa”
Age is irrelative to me.
I don’t care what the number is it’s how you live your life. And via messaging he seemed like a really fun
guy. His pictures showed him being
active and he looked nice. He said he
was in his early 50’s. I’m waiting at
Starbucks and in strolls this old man looking around as if he is meeting
someone. I glanced back at my phone wondering if I had the time wrong. When low and behold this old man comes over
and sits down. I said, hi, can I help you? Needless to say grandpa was 73 and lies about
his age hoping one day it won’t be a deal breaker with a lady! Sorry dude, lying, yeah, that is a deal
breaker for me!
#3, we will call him “Crazy Texter”
He wanted my number right away. He wanted to text versus
meeting on Bumble. Sure, what harm is
that I thought? I gave him my number and went to bed. I woke up to 18 text messages, and
nine missed calls from him. Each one
getting progressively nastier on where was I and why was I not answering his
calls. Blocked number, delete…. See you
later alligator! Um, NO!
#4, let’s call him "OCD perfume guy"
He messages me on the day of our coffee meet up to ask me
what kind of perfume I wear? I
thought it strange but maybe he’s a perfume rep and is gonna bring samples! I oblige and share the names of a few
fragrances I wear. He then changes the time to meet him…. Ok, so maybe he’s running late. I agree to the new time. Then like a damn releasing water every hour on the hour this dude texted me to
not forget to wear my favorite perfume.
Yeah, um no, you just crossed the crazy line and blocked, deleted. Pretty sure he might be the type to wear a
skin suit too!
#5, let’s call him "Job Seeker"
This one has to be the best of all of them. I think chemistry works both ways. You have to be attracted to him, and he
you. It’s a two way street and I don’t
get my feelings hurt. Life is
short. Immediately, no chemistry,
awkward conversation. I proceed with
asking about what he does for a living. Divorced,
wife is kicking out of the house he lives in, got laid off from job, have to
have neck surgery, unemployment is running out, and then he had the gall to ask me if I could help him find a job! Another blocked and deleted.
There were a couple more that were truly amazing nice men
but no romance between us. In fact we are friends
now which has been great. And one I hope to land a date with my friend. I
decided enough of this Bumble crazy train and decided to see if anyone had messaged me on E-Harmony! It’s gotta be
better over there since it is a paid site, right? Low and behold there were some messages and likes!
Bye Bye Bumble, deleted and closed
account! And I don’t regret it! Exchanged a few messages on E-harmony and one
of the guys asked me to meet for coffee.
Off I went with zero expectations, in fact, negative 100 expectations,
and figured I’d probably chalk this up to gaining more experience. What I thought would be a 30 minute
conversation, lasted two hours, and would have been longer if I didn't need to pack for a trip. I was truly impressed.
We left agreeing to get together again.
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